hola. i had a wonderful time away. a little adventure upstate. a much needed time to rest. to think. read. even write a little. to rejuvenate. catch up with the family (laugh a lot). sleep a bit. overeat. drink too much wine. whatever. i need more of that and it's now officially just a race to finish this year and perhaps gather myself a little bit more over the extended christmas holiday. who knows, i just do what i can right now. syracuse was cold as ever and my car even got hit with some snow on friday morning. i swear, i think that area is part of the arctic circle. i did also manage to sneak in yet another tattoo (second one this year, a total rarity for me, but a very necessary one). it says "n'aie pas peur" and was inked by my dear friend dj rose of halo tattoos. his shop is beautiful and reminds me a lot of my home. the place is covered in old christian and freemason iconography and beautiful statues of saints and even this guy and has lots of nooks and wonderful items to look at. he's got good taste for sure. in addition to that, he has been a pal of mine since the hardcore days (for at least 18 years now) so it was appropriate that i asked a friend to give me this ink. it's healing nicely and i must say there's nothing like getting a good tattoo from someone you love. the subject matter is a theme in my life and i'm working on it and it's good to remind me of these little things... even with ink. oh- and while on the topic of hardcore, joel t. and myself and other old friends relived part of our childhood this evening as we attended our friend norm's anti-matter book anthology release and benefit to raise money for callum robbins (j. robbins of jawbox's son) show. it was spread over 2 nights in brooklyn. we didn't stick around to see the snapcase reunion as i was never a huge fan anyways, but 108 tore it down as i expected and haven't lost it a bit. as did the surprise guest of the evening, my all time fave nyc hardcore band, supertouch. reunited for one night only at norm's bequest and they were tight as hell. it was so worth being there for that alone. there were moments of nostalgia and moments where it felt as good and powerful as when i was 15 years old and seeing them for the first time. it didn't matter, i had a smile on my face the whole damn time. formative years, indeed. so happy to be back in my own home if only for a week or so. going to roll around on the damn carpet just to make sure i'm here for real and it's not a figment of my imagination. i have a lot on my schedule for this week, as usual, so it'll be busy as hell. my plan is this: i'm just going to keep my head down and run towards the end of december with what i have left. i'm gonna make it. for sure. more to come as it all keeps shaking out. muchos besos.
music: the cinematic orchestra --- "to build a home"
.: words: angular 11/26/2007 02:01:00 AM
nightswimming. i'm swimming, not drowning. los angeles was freezing at night and full of anxiety during the day - i hadn't felt that kind of pressure and emotional downfall in a longass time. i pulled it together and rocked the shit as best i could. i feel pleased with the results thus far. i have covered the los angeles area twice in the last twelve days. i could do that plane flight everyday now if i had to. i'm so used to it i can almost tell you what state we are over when there's a specific kinda turbulence. i'm not complaining, it is what it is. and i have to go back a week after thanksgiving. i think i need to buy a home there just to make it worthwhile as i'm sick of hotels. i've had a good week of escapism, totally immersed in work - it's been incredbily hectic but absolutely good. i'm feeling better about some things. started the process of facing myself for real today and it left me feeling slightly more focused and at minimum, feeling good about a step in a positive direction. exercise is next and yoga follows. and more california. fucking california. lately, i just haven't felt the need to write as much as i did over this summer. getting quiet? perhaps. or an onset of apathy due to winterism. or, i'm spilling too much in my private journals which will be published after my spectacular death in a bizarre safari accident. one can dream. this week is thanksgiving and despite life feeling totally different right now, i have a fuckload to be thankful for. i'm mostly thankful for my life and being born into this human body. i'm lucky. without it i can't reach people, affect change, or move towards becoming a better, more realized human being. i am all about evolution more than ever, and it feels like the next chapter of my life is beginning ... right now. i fully intend to document it closely as i move through this - it could get interesting. oh, i'm also thankful for you... happy to be home.
music: the jesus and mary chain "just like honey"
.: words: angular 11/20/2007 03:31:00 AM
i fucking love my brother. that is all.
hello new york, i love you too, even if only for 4 days. xoxoxanax.
music: trevor loveys "shake it"
.: words: angular 11/10/2007 01:34:00 AM
yeah... you may enter.
yet another relentless week in the city of illusion. well, the other one, to be fair. it's been an interesting one to say the least. having moments of total clarity, total confusion, and complete power. if you can imagine those three things existing in some kind of perfect equilibrium ... that's me this week. i have been up at 7am daily due to jetlag and anxious motivation. i feel like i'm manifesting things pretty well so i'm working my angles (vs. true angularism) and nodding to angels. feeling blessed. good headspace, indeed, for the most part. it's always a mess but it's been a little easier to walk through somehow. i just do. ahem. so i woke each morning to the thickest smog i've seen over the LA landscape, clearly a result of winds blowing smoke into this area coupled with the normal copious amounts of pollution. by noon it's burned off and i'm on my 2nd cup of tea and 4th meeting of the day. par for the course for sure. i did manage to squeeze in a proper hang this morning with my friend from the hardcore days and i've decided to make the india journey for sure. there's nothing standing in my way. all the excuses of my schedule and yadayada have been eliminated as best i can plan for a few months ahead. so i just need to get the plane ticket and commit. today was more about me wanting to catch up with him and to look him in the eyes and talk about the experience. i truly know that this is the universe arranging for me to go to a place i've been dreaming about more than half my life. it's inevitable so i'm fully surrendering to it. end of january through middle of february. the journey sounds truly amazing and he filled me in on some of the people we will meet along the way -- some gurus i have met before and respected are part of the itinerary. the rest is just too much to describe but has all the elements of a mystical and magical story. i need to step into that. for sure. i'm heading back to brooklyn in the morning then coming back to LA on monday. if i were sensible i would just stay for the weekend and enjoy the weather, but i need to get home for a minute. there is nothing like my own home, even for a few days. oh, the spot that my brother and i were featured in finally surfaced online and it's pretty good. we are definitely the comic relief, as usual. check it out here if you wanna laugh and be sure to watch it til the very very end as i got the last line. yeahhh. i'm feeling uninteresting at the moment though i know there is plenty more to say. think i'm going back to the moleskine for the rest of this confession. stay true.
music: south central "crystaling"
.: words: angular 11/08/2007 02:46:00 AM
autumn makes everything really interesting. so far, so good.
my bag that was packed two weeks ago is finally heading west.
i'm out of step... indeed.
but managing to keep up. somehow.
hope it's as beautifully chilly (as it is in brooklyn), wherever you are.
music: minor threat "out of step" vs. notorious b.i.g. "going back to cali"
